


talk is cheap

by Nivena



Series: allopreening [5]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: 70's slang, 80's slang, 90's Slang, Batfamily Feels, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Sisterly Affection, Sisterly bonding, batfam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 07:51:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6974239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nivena/pseuds/Nivena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The kids are teaching Cass English and it's maybe going well.</p><p>alternatively: i just looked up tons of period slang and now none of my friends will talk to me</p>
            </blockquote>





	talk is cheap

**Author's Note:**

> i should be stuuuuuddyiiiiiiiing for fiiiiiiinnnaaaaallllsssss but i can't bring myself to care enough so have some batman fanfiction

Tim knew they were doomed the minute he heard the canned laugh track through the thin walls.

 

Grimacing, he knocked on the door to apartment 601. There was a brief thud and shuffle, before he heard Jason's voice clearly yell, "Is that Tim? Don't let him in!"

 

"I can hear you!" Tim yelled through the door, pressing his hand on it. It suddenly swung open, unbalancing him. He flailed for a solid two seconds before looking up at the face of his adopted sister.

 

"Uh, hey… Cass?"

 

"Hm." She grunted, turning to the side to let him pass through. Jason was seated on the ratty couch, facing the TV which displayed some pixelated 90's sitcom or the other. There were shirts of multiple kinds and an odd suit jacket scattered around the room and on the floor, and dirty dishes piled up in the sink. One of the boys, probably Dick, had stuck a Febreeze in the socket, in a futile attempt to mitigate the 'lived in' aroma.

 

Jason was wearing sweatpants and a shirt that was loose, even on him. By contrast, Cass was immaculately groomed, in a black jacket and dress. Tim felt like he completed the odd picture, stiff in his starched uniform. 

 

"So," he sat on the part of the couch not taken up by Jason's feet, "how did you two meet?"

 

Cass perched on the arm of the sofa. "I met Richard first," she said, calm and enunciated.

 

"They met when he went to get your textbooks a few months ago. Now she just shows up sometimes. We're trying to help her learn English."

 

"With cheesy reality shows?" Tim asked. The canned laugh track shrilled again and he winced. 

 

Cassandra shrugged. 

 

"Funny."

 

Tim sighed and grabbed his textbooks from the desk they were precariously stacked on. "Where's the English one?" He asked, staring at the spines.

 

"Under the left dinner table leg," Jason called over his shoulder, "so put it back when you're done!"

 

The price he paid for having brothers with their own apartment.

* * *

 

Watching Jason cook was like watching an episode of Game of Thrones. There was lots of fire, and things died more often than not.

 

"Jason, how the hell did you burn milk?"

 

"I'm trying my best, Tim, get off my back!"

 

"Please don't tell me that's supposed to be your best?" Tim smirked, watching from the dinner table with his books and papers scattered out in front of him.

 

"Oh, you want to make this? You think you can cook this?"

 

"Jason, you're not cooking, you're  _ making coffee _ ."

 

"And I'm doing pretty well, thank you very much!" He yelled, dramatically sieving the coffee grounds from the kettle.

 

"How do you even call yourself a bat?"

 

They both stopped their fight/witty banter the second they heard Cass giggle.

 

"I think his coffee's ace, and I'd be amped to have it!"

 

Tim's mouth hung open.

 

"I blame you," He pointed to Jason.

 

"What! Barf me out!"

 

"STOP."

 

Cass giggled again. "Yeah Tim, don't be a Herb!"

 

"I hate both of you so so much."

 

"Man, that's so bogue!"

 

And that's how Jason got an English textbook thrown at him.

 

* * *

 

_[3_ _days later, Gotham City]_

 

Cass turned around first, which was the only warning Tim got. He found himself immediately in a headlock, courtesy of his  _ wonderful _ older brothers.

 

"Heya, cool cats," Dick smiled at Cass, while dragging Tim further back by his neck.

 

"How do you want to break up a gang war in Bludhaven?" Jason finished, fiddling with his communicator.

 

Cass grinned brightly. "Well that sounds… cool-a-roonie."

 

Tim groaned. "You are all going to die sad and alone."

 

"How can we, replacement, when we got you to love us!"

 

"Yeah," Cass said, keeping an admirable straight face. "Don't be yagalistic."

 

Dick shook his head. "It's okay guys. Tim's a closet disco queen."

 

"That was seventies slang and you know it."

 

"All's fair in love and war, replacement!"

 

"I hate each and every one of you, and let it be known that I want to throw you all off Wayne Tower."

**Author's Note:**

> listen. cassandra cain is the most beautiful woman i've seen in my life.


End file.
